But That's Not Racist

"But That's Not Racist" D-Trix

"Oh you're Asian? Is your favorite subject math?"

"You're Filipino? Aren't you suppose to be brown?"

"Do you speak the 'ching chong' language?"

Racial Micro-aggression is common for those who don't blend into the society of White Americans and are viewed the same as every one else in their culture. 

Just because I'm "Asian", people expect me to be really good at math. Sure, if it means solving what "2+2" equals. But just because I'm considered Asian, doesn't mean I can solve any type of math equation. Math is surprisingly my least favorite subject. I was always struggling with it throughout high school, having to take a math class at least twice. And still I had no idea how I survived Physics!   

Another thing, people always tell me that I am way too pale to be Filipino. When people think of those "typical" Filipinos they think of brown or yellow skinned Asians. Not everyone in the Filipino race is born to be brown or yellow skinned, some people are pale. Like my cousins and I from my dad side of the family, we are seriously all pale. Better yet, they were born and raised in the Philippines while I was born and raise here. And no, the heat in the tropical island of the Philippines does not make you automatically brown. 

The most all-time assumption that I made among the term "Racial Micro-Aggression" is when some people ask for my major.

"What's your major ? Nursing? Oh! What a typical Filipino thing."

Typical Filipino thing? Just because I want to be a Nurse doesn't mean I'm doing it because that's what Pinays are usual subject to be. But Nursing became a dream discovery ever since I've reached high school. Not because I'm hoping on some bandwagon and doing what every other Asian women is doing. If you were to take a peep of my family background, the only Nurses you would find are my two cousins, who happens to be guys. 

So just because I'm Asian it doesn't mean I love math or I'm a disgrace to my family because I'm pale skinned, I'm actually a blessing (LOL JK). I'm just any other Asian there will ever be. And this doesn't just apply to Asians, but other races too. When some people look at one race, the assumption of everyone else in that race is that they're all the same. It's like the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover," don't expect everyone in one race to be exactly the same. Everyone is different. 

And no I don't speak the "Ching Chong" language, I speak "Panese" you know. . Pan-Ese. Go get two pans and start hitting them together, maybe you can learn it too.

College: Meeting New People

"College Buzz: The best way to make a friend or two"

"Bad Luck Brian"

Meeting people around you should be something to consider in your life whether especially in college. Just like Sara East stated in the video, college can be intimidating and lonely. It doesn't matter if it's at a university or a community college, start getting around meet new people. I mean, you don't want to end like Bad Luck Brian.

Back when you were in elementary, middle, and high school, getting to know your classmates was pretty easy. You've probably known them since elementary school or probably even develop a really close friendship with them. This may be because you've all grown to get along with one another at a young age, but when college starts, let me tell you, getting to know someone new is a whole new world for you.

When you've reached college, classrooms tend to be more extended than it usually is in high school and everyone around you will not always in the same age group as you are. Everyone is a stranger to you, but you can be lucky if you have someone in class that you've known before in your life. Still, it doesn't hurt to make new friends. But why should we make them? There are several reason why, especially since college is another place mix with almost every part of the world.

One reason could be that you can start to develop study groups. For example, let's say math is your all time struggle ever since middle school. By meeting someone in the class that you can talk to, you can start to develop communication among each other, getting together for study groups, and even getting to know who that person is.

"Shy People"

My first semester at Southwestern College was brand new to me.I did not know a single person in class, nor did I recognize anyone from high school in my classes, and I was scared for my life. Being the "shy" introvert type did not help me at all. But as the semester went by, I started to get around and just introduce myself to people in class that I sit by or friends of friends. By the end of my first semester, I realized how much I've grown to have such a connection with people I've barely met.

That's another reason, developing new friendship. Of course in college, not everyone you went to high school with will be at the exact same college as you. Some may go to UCSD, SDSU, somewhere in LA or maybe even out of state. When you get to college, it is the best opportunity to get out there and meet other people. Try joining clubs, connecting with people who are in the same major as you, and before you know it, you've met tons of people.

So why not get to know someone, even if it's that random, awkward, quite person you sit next to in class everyday or the person who you happen to sleeps in every single lecture, go ahead, push that person off his chair until he wakes up, then. . RUN. I'm kidding, but you get my point!  Maybe then, later in life, you'll thank that person for helping you accomplish apart of your milestone.

No Trust, No Us

"I can't trust you with anything, regardless of who you're with!"

That was the words he yelled to me every single night we got into an argument. Every single night on the phone yelling at each other like we're starting world war three. It was exhausting and tiring, yet I didn't have the intention to let him go.

Eleven months ago, we we're the happiest couple everyone can think of. He was there when I just got out of my second surgery for my cochlear implant, he came by every time he had the chance just to visit me and my family, and he took me to the movies once in a while which we called our typical dates. Everything, for the first few months was all lovey-dovey and sweet.

Until, I started my first day of high school.

It was my first year as a sophomore at Sweetwater High, only because I had my freshmen year at Granger, and everything was new to me. New people, new routine, new everything. I was really excited for all these "new" thing to come along and help me enjoy my next three years in high school, but apparently I had some exceptions to it all.

My boyfriend at the time, he couldn't trust me with anything. And when I mean anything, I mean every damn thing, move, activity I do. It was hard and I just couldn't understand why was he pulling me back from a lot of things. I mean I couldn't wear a tank top and skirt when it was super hot out without his approval and if he didn't approve of my outfit, I had to go change. I couldn't go to Tahitian practice without him being there to watch out if any guy had their chance to "check me out" while I was teaching and practicing. I also couldn't go see a Twilight movie without him because he wouldn't be there to cover my eyes when I fan girl over Taylor Lautner (I still went to see the movies anyways.) It was seriously getting out of control to the point he was getting jealous of the most stupidest thing in the world, that one day Taylor Lautner would someday tell me he'd want me to be his girlfriend. LIKE IS HE FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?!

He had a HUGE problem, and his problem was trusting me.

He couldn't trust me, he always had to be there holding my hand. He made it seem like the entire world of guys were going to hit on me all at once and screw over the fact that I was taken. I mean I wasn't that attractive and I honestly don't think that it's even possible for one million guys to go to me and start biding for my love. No, it doesn't work that way. At least not in this world.

We couldn't even communicate properly when we continuously argued at night about the same situations and the same issues. We would yell so loud that we'd wake up those who were sleeping. Every time I tried to state the truth, he would get mad saying "Oh it's my fault now everything is ALWAYS my fault." He would always LOVE to win over the arguments. When he was tired of everything he would hang the phone up and expect me to call back. It was the same thing every SINGLE night. And knowing I have sensitive feelings, he would yell so much that I just broke down and cried, like everything I do is wrong. When the truth is, he just couldn't trust me.

I never did ANYTHING wrong. I was faithful to him, I had my phone in my hands at all times so I can reply to him when he text me. I even risked the life of my phone in class just to talk to him in between lessons. I never cheated on him like he did when we were dating for the first few months. I did everything he said and that he wanted me to do, no matter how much I hated it. And what does my sweet little love and care turn into ? Arguments, ugly, painful arguments.

People thought I was CRAZY, that I deserved BETTER.

But I honestly never gave up on him. I kept telling myself there will be better days just not right now, it's only the beginning. But I was wrong.

"I can't trust you with anything, regardless of who you're with!"

Those were the words that echoed in my head for months after we broke up. Playing over the scenario of how it ended and questioning myself on what I did wrong. Nothing, just nothing. But I recovered from such pain that I went through over the past year we've been going out. I learned that if there was ever going to be someone who wanted to be with me, they got to be able to communicate with me and stay on the same page. They have to be able to trust me. If there's no TRUST well the obvious stated, there's no US.

"The Worst Boyfriend" 

I just thought this would be a little bit of how he might of acted with me.

But it's also for the laughs! :)

Career for the Future Me

"When you grow up, what do you want to be?"

A singer, an astronaut , maybe even a movie actor. Remembering when you about fiver years old, starting kindergarten, finally learning your ABC's and 123's, that being asked that question was no pressure I mean your answer could be anything and what ever your answer was you either wrote it down or were told to draw a picture about it.

But when you hit college, and that question comes haunting you once again, the pressure begins to press on you harder than you expected. Why? Well you obviously aren't just going to throw around what you want to be right? And I'm pretty sure by the time we all hit college, we get the opportunity to look at what we're interested in doing and what careers these interest can lead to.

I'm not lost at all with what I want to do in the future, I clearly have in mind what I really want to do and pursued during my four years in college. But, if my first choice doesn't fall beyond exceptions, I came prepared with my secondary choices of interest.


I will be majoring in Nursing, more specific to get a career as a Pediatric-Nurse. I love working with kids from ages five to ten. They are just so cooperative and I have a lot of patience and effort when working with them. I haven't technically fulfill some shadowing upon Nursing in general, but in high school, I would always volunteer my time to my past kindergarten teacher and help tutor her new set of kindergarten kids and it's just something I really love to do along with helping people out. That's what lead to me towards Pediatric-Nursing.

This may look as a easy to make derision kind of situation but it really wasn't. It took a while for me to consider Nursing as my number one major because way before that, I had interest in majoring in Chemistry or Audiology. I love science even if at time it was difficult, especially physics which I learned to enjoy and love, I always wanted to do all the hands on activities we did in our science classes. It just bring me so much interest in what science can do and how unique it is. As for audiology, I was inspired when my audiologist was wearing a cochlear implant like mine. I mean I was amazing that even if you have a hearing disability you can still be able to help those who are in the same situation as well.

Career choosing and understanding your interests  what you want to get involve in takes a lot of time and effort. So don't just sit there like you're still five, being able to say you want to be whatever the hell you want to be, when in reality it's more of a decisions making process.

Crash for the Class

"Oh my god, this class is so far"

It was the second day of college and I was walking to my English 114 class , stress and frustrated while studying the map of the campus,  little did I know this class was at the very back of the campus. And where was I? The very front of the campus.

"Oh just GREAT."

I came early that day, just to be certain that I get to the right class and that I get there five minutes early. I made my way of what seems to be twenty minutes of my time just walking, following the path that I highlighted on my map like it was some type of "ghetto" GPS. And that trip to class was a work out. Endless heat from the sun started beating down on me and tons of sweat started to manipulate one by one, I finally reached what seemed to be where the class was, and boy was I exhausted! I was relieved when I saw Karina, one of the first the few I've met in class on the first day of class.

The professor finally came and unlocked the room, I hurried in and sat down in the second row just to be sure I get a good view of the professor since reading lips became a complete habit of mine. Second day of class, and yet I made three friends so far. I felt the accomplishment, but not so much because I was still scared and nervous to meet other people.

The professor did instruct us to sit with a partner and I was just sitting there looking at the seat next to me and counting off endless questions of "what ifs":

"What if no one sits next to me, does that make me look stupid?"
"I don't even have friends in this class who am I suppose to call over?"
"Should I run out? Pretend I never was here in the first place."

I just sat there so awkwardly and nervous. I mean this is my first year and college and I honestly had no idea what I was suppose to really expect on the first week of school alone. Luckily, Seirra sat next to me and she warmly greeted me. I was again, relieved this day was going better as expected. We sat there, watching all these people come through the day toward the professor and I honestly had no idea what was going on. The professor then announce to the people who are crashing to listen closely.

"Crashing? What? I don't get this? Are they suppose to like ruin the class like they weren't invited or something?"

I was completely lost. I have never heard the term ever about crashing a class. Okay maybe I registered a little too late for this to all actually sink into all these new terms I have to learn for college, but eventually I learned that these were the people who were trying to get a room in the class because they needed that certain class.  And I've got to tell you it was A LOT of people trying to crash the class, but as the professor started presenting what this class is, the whole Bayan community and being enrolled to the PD class, majority of those crashers went to find another English class. Which left off to a small amount of crashers who were really showing that they needed this class.

Luckily I didn't have to be one of those people to crash into any of my classes, but at least now I would know the consequences of wanting to get the class I really want next semester and actually waiting last minute to register. And trust me, there will be no crashing doors for me.

Two Shades of Personality

Everyone has a certain type of personality, whether it's nice, selfish, mean, or weird we all differ into some set of personalities that make up who we are.But have you ever wonder how the dimension of personality makes up who YOU really are?

Extroversion and Introversion are the common sets of personality.Extroverts, one who enjoys being with the crowd, talking, and socializing  Introverts, one enjoys spending time alone, hanging out with just a few friends and keep their thoughts and ideas to their self.

Take a look at someone you know very well it could your best friend,your significant other, or your a family member. How much do you know about them and their personality, or the way they act every time you're with them? I'm pretty sure you know plenty of information which would fall beyond enough to give details and examples.

But have you ever looked at them and actually visualize the outer-inner personality they have ?

Just the thought of it made me questioned over and over if we really did know what our bestfriend was like when they weren't around us or if we really would know how our cousin is with his friends than with his family. I mean look what personality can say or do to us.

But let's say you met someone recently and just started to grow a friendship. That person could come out to you as "happy" or "full of joy" but when they're not around you, do you really know if that person is the person who first gave a positive impression to you?

Some answers can be yes and some answers can be no. But the percentage of people lean towards "no". People tend to keep things or their personal life to their self especially if they just barely met you. It's nothing like what you're best friend would do, they'd tell you everything that's going on for reason you must have to know it.

I'm actually one of those people. I come out nice, sweet, caring, and joyful. But on the inside I've been dealing with pain, heart breaks, stress, and all the other things that just get to you and bring you down. It's hard, especially when you're going through so much that the next thing you know, you can't help but let it all out and just flood the room with your sadness and pain. It's not a usual thing for me to do because I don't want anyone to see the side where I suffer and I loose hope in myself because I was someone they knew who was happy and lots of times I'd hear people say

"Diane, you have such a good life"

Yeah my life is good, but it's just on a path of it's own, a roller coaster of it's own, and even if the roads aren't smooth out, in the end I will find my way through it all.


I think it's crazy what personality can say about you. Sometimes you want to live just one side of the personality everyone enjoys to see rather than the part where pain and stress occurs and you're just back on the solid ground waiting for a miracale to come up in a snap. It's like viewing two shades of grey ,one public and one hidden, and not being able to know which shade is more valuable to lean on.

 Everyone personality is different, but one personality can differ inside out and we should be aware when we come out to someone who we don't honestly know.

Princess for a day

Filipino Flag

How do you identify yourself racially/ethnically? 

At first, when I was ask that question I didn't really know how to answer it. Asian? But the word that came out of my mouth when I answered it seemed just typically right. Filipino.

I love being Filipino. After taking a few classes in high school, improving the way I spoke in Tagalog, and the understanding of my culture, I really found so many unique qualities about being Filipino. And as for being in the Bayan community, I feel I may enhance my knowledge of the Filipino-American culture by the end of this semester.

Manny Pacquiao

Have you ever had one of those days where you're just so proud to be apart of your culture ? Like when Manny Pacquiao won multiple rounds of boxing nonstop, or Roosevelt standing up for her race and refusing to sit in the back for a white person ? People just get the vibe to feel so good about their self and being able to experiences these type of things.

One of the things most Filipina's get to experience is being a princess for a day.

"Princess for a day? What do you go to Disneyland all dressed up or something?"
"Um. . NO."

When a girl turns eighteen, she has this big big birthday celebration called a debut. For those of you who doesn't know what a debut is well for starters it a big party with lots of food, family and friends and a night to get dressy and what not and also to celebrate that the debutante (birthday girl) has reach the age of maturity. But really take a look at the Mexican and the American culture. For the Mexican culture, when a girl turns fifteen, they have a really big party called a Quinceanera, as for the American culture, they celebrate a girl's sixteenth birthday with a Sweet Sixteen. But as the culture differs, then likely you get a hint that a debut is celebrated quite different than these two cultures.

A debut contains quite a few things: eighteen roses which are the boys the debutante honors on her own and also the honored eighteen candles which are the girls who give speech about the cherish memories with the debutante.

Having my own debut was just so magical, it felt as if I was really a princess for a day. Although really I didn't get to have a prince charming. .but anyways, I've been to debuts where they were in fancy halls, had all these fancy dinner, fancy table cloth, fancy fancy fancy. I mean many of us were able to afford it. But really, I didn't worry about all the fancy things, although I really thought it's be nice, but pricey. I worried more about who I really wanted to invite or actually be there.

Whenever we have a big celebration like the holiday celebrations, my family come over from LA and such just to so we can celebrate the holidays together or to just catch up and see whats going on in our lives. It just something I've been taught since I was young where it's "Family comes first" and whenever we all get a chance to be together, it's just those moments you want to cherish the most.

It was really the best day ever, seeing my friend and my family, talking about how much I've grown after all these years. It was one of those stress free days where everything went the way I pictured it and nothing went wrong. It's the little moments you want to cherish.

My Family<3

Grew up in the Filipino culture, having all these family bonding moments even if it's just with my parents and my sisters I still have an on going smile on my face because my parents told me they never got to really expirence this at the same age as me, having to live with strict parents and doing what they were told. But you know sometimes you have to really try to blend into your cultural to actually know about it and be able to say to yourself or to the world alone that this is your culture and there's not a thing you wish to change about it, even if you have to go through strict parenting or rules.