Change For The Better

Change. The first word that came into my mind when I remember being taunted for being different.

It was a nice beautiful day at school, my first year in middle school. I had no intention whatsoever of being harassed.I wasn't a loner or an outsider with no friends and didn't care about anything. I had a great grip of friends. I was stress free and was enjoying myself .

I decided to tie my hair up in a pony tail to keep off the swear from the back of my neck and the heat was getting pretty intense somehow.

Suddenly, I heard cruel laughter behind me. A group of students just laughing, the sound of a witch's laughter, like mean girls.

"Ew, what is that in her ear is she deaf?"


" Look at the girl she has to wearing hearing aids I feel so bad for her."

Everything inside me started to shut down. Everyone around me started to fall into slow motion, colorless. I didn't know if it was just the heat or if it was because the rude comments directed at me. To many "what ifs" ran into my head endlessly.

"What if they tell the entire school being deaf is ugly? Then I would be the ugliest kid in school."

"What if it was illegal to be deaf at this school?"

"What if my friends start to hate me because I'm different?"

And through out the day, I wasn't myself.

"Change" the word that flowed into my mind endlessly after washing my face with cold water in the girls bathroom. What was wrong with having a disability and why was it disgusting those rude girls? I kept questioning myself, figuring out what to do.

I went to the bathroom, lied to my teacher that I needed to see the nurse for an ice pack. I sat there thinking, why am I letting those rude comments change me? There are people all around school who have a disability so I'm pretty sure it isn't illegal. It may not be what I have but I'm pretty sure a mob of us can prove those girls wrong. Was I stupid enough to believe their words? How could their words even change me?

Change for the better not for the worst, it was a lesson I learned that day. I'm the only person who knows who I am, what I am, and the things that are just likely me. I shouldn't let one small rude comment change who I am. Nothing should be based on other peoples feelings. I run my own life, everyone else runs theirs. I'm nothing but self-made.

Understanding "ME"

"For a start, we can think about all the times when we do lose ourselves." (Newton,Ted Talks)

Thandie Newton at Ted Talks

Thandie Newton, had lack the ability to understand herself and her identity, seeking ways from losing herself in dance to putting herself into a different character when acting and be able to understand that person's own identity than herself, build upon for her own realization that her identity existed  Not because of what other people see, but because she understood who she really was.

For many, understanding yourself is being able to know who you are deep down, but for me it's being able to understand where you lose yourself. I find it easy for me to express who I am when practicing and performing dance (Tahitian and Hula).

Dancing became apart of my life where it gave me freedom and pride. It became apart of me,apart of who I was. I was always able to express how I felt through dancing. No words, just my body moving to the beat of the drums, the soft chants and the wilderness of Polynesian.

Sweetwater High's First Tahitian Group

I came home one day, stressed.I went into my garage, dimmed down the lights and blasted some Polynesian beats. I wrapped my sarong around my waist, stretched and let my self take it from there. I wasn't making myself follow the rhythm or forcing myself to do a specific move. My body took over. Just worked as if it knew what I needed. It was like I was walking through clouds. Everything that was stressing me out cleared up and nothing was in the way.

Talent Show Performance

When my Tahitian/Hula group "FUSION"  had performances, I never get nervous. I'm always so pumped, ready and excited to be out on stage smiling and doing what I do best. My mind tends to blur out the audience as if I was alone whenever I performed. Truthfully, acting in theater was more difficult than dancing in front of tons of people, because instead of speaking and acting to tons of people, the lyrics, the songs and the moments I have when dancing and performing talk for myself.

I don't just start dancing because there's stress in my life. Dancing is my natural born passion. Losing yourself can be at random times, during practices, performances, or just when i'm in my zone. It helps me understand who I really am when I express dancing in a certain way because it's something I really love to do. When you get into something you love, you take it in seriously and it becomes apart of you and your life to where it was meant to actually be there.

To express, enjoy, and to find myself is what dancing come finds in me. As Newton says, "I could be in the movement in a way that I wasn't able to be in my real life, in myself." I find myself, my own little spot when it comes to dancing. It's always that one thing you love to do that most that you're able to find yourself all over again. It can be anything, playing football, singing, dancing, or through art.Whatever in the world you lose yourself in can help you see the other side of the mirror you been trying to figure out endlessly.