Change. The first word that came into my mind when I remember being taunted for being different.It was a nice beautiful day at school, my first year in middle school. I had no intention whatsoever of being harassed.I wasn't a loner or an outsider with no friends and didn't care about anything. I had a great grip of friends. I was stress free and was enjoying myself .
I decided to tie my hair up in a pony tail to keep off the swear from the back of my neck and the heat was getting pretty intense somehow.
Suddenly, I heard cruel laughter behind me. A group of students just laughing, the sound of a witch's laughter, like mean girls.
" Look at the girl she has to wearing hearing aids I feel so bad for her."
Everything inside me started to shut down. Everyone around me started to fall into slow motion, colorless. I didn't know if it was just the heat or if it was because the rude comments directed at me. To many "what ifs" ran into my head endlessly.
"What if they tell the entire school being deaf is ugly? Then I would be the ugliest kid in school."
"What if it was illegal to be deaf at this school?"
"What if my friends start to hate me because I'm different?"
And through out the day, I wasn't myself.
"Change" the word that flowed into my mind endlessly after washing my face with cold water in the girls bathroom. What was wrong with having a disability and why was it disgusting those rude girls? I kept questioning myself, figuring out what to do.
I went to the bathroom, lied to my teacher that I needed to see the nurse for an ice pack. I sat there thinking, why am I letting those rude comments change me? There are people all around school who have a disability so I'm pretty sure it isn't illegal. It may not be what I have but I'm pretty sure a mob of us can prove those girls wrong. Was I stupid enough to believe their words? How could their words even change me?
Change for the better not for the worst, it was a lesson I learned that day. I'm the only person who knows who I am, what I am, and the things that are just likely me. I shouldn't let one small rude comment change who I am. Nothing should be based on other peoples feelings. I run my own life, everyone else runs theirs. I'm nothing but self-made.
Are you deaf by birth or later at your age? I am naturally deaf and I am wearing my cochlear implant on my right ear. In the elementary school, I wore my cochlear implant in the classroom and no one was curious what's that on my ear. I think they were just kids who didn't understand what it was (technology stuff) and also my school has a mainstreaming program. Actually, I thought I was only one who have a cochlear implant in the world, but realized that there were several kids at my school wearing theirs. During my middle school year, one girl talked to me, "What's that flashy light on your ear?" My cochlear implant has a red light for responding to sounds. I replied, "It is just cochlear implant that I can hear." The kids at the table were all eyes on my cochlear implant. I explained to them, "If I don't wear it, then I can't hear sounds." It became clear before they misunderstand about anything relating to deafness. They started to ask me many questions about American Sign Language and what can Deaf people do-read, talk, etc. They didn't insult me. They had some interest in learning about Deaf culture. If they insult me about being deaf, then I would feel hurt. It didn't happen to me before. I know some phrases that insulting to Deaf people. For example, some hearing people would say, "You are mute! You can't do anything because you are Deaf." When you experience by hearing a hurtful comment about you being deaf, but you know that's who you are in a positive way. Experiencing through that situation will help you more strong.
ReplyDeleteI was deaf by birth. My right eat was the best ear while my left ear was the fully deaf it. We discovered it back when I was in kindergarten. I struggled and I wore hearing aid. I didnt get my first choclear implants until I was in middle school. It was an amazing expirence dont you think ? I guess these girl who taunted me really just thought it was funny. But my friends thought it was really cool how technology can do such big things. I now have two cochlear implants and I love them really well. I really want to learn sign language. I wasnt required to, due to the fact i was able to read lips just fine but I am looking into taking aign language class somehow. But knowing i'm not alone with my hearing disability really brings me hope. I am glad i am not alone
DeleteYour not alone! :D i was born deaf on my right ear which is the ear better at hearing speech patterns and i hear everything through my left, the ear that better at hearing musical tones so i'm good at playing music by ear :D. I used to be made fun of by other young kids when i was in elementary because my right ear was smaller than my left but that was only because i slaughter them in the game of the ball game "four squares" and they were not intelligent enough to come up with something creative to say.
ReplyDeleteI remember meeting a guy back in highschool who has lost his left ear and was deaf in thar ear :(. My left ear was deaf and heaing aids did no good to me at all. But i am really happy with the cochlear implants :). I mean they are so amazing. When I got my first one and they turned it on I cried. It was so amazing. I got my second one a little before highschool and im still trying to accept being completely deaf but it fun at times :)
Deletei feel you and where your coming from. I was like that in middle school sad to say i was one of those kind of kids who would be like.. ohh this person cant hear me and i would talk even louder making seem like a joke to everyone and people would laugh at that person because they cant hear me. But i grew from it watching and observing how bad people with disability gets harass to much. which later in high school I made a friend with disability made me realize how not diffrent they are from anyone else. they feel the same as we do and laugh at the same things we laugh at that are funny. i dont regret what i did in the pass because it made me appreciate even more of people with disability now. but yea I was ashamed of what i did before but i learn from it.
ReplyDeleteAt least you were able to acknowledge in the past what you did before back in middle school. These girls never grew out of their intention of taunting me whenever they saw me in high school and I highly believed that once they reached high school they would at least have the ability to apologize to me since they had a class with me but I learned to just accept they were the way they are. I'm just glad that other people are willing to understand those with disability have a few needs in their life, and I guess for all of us it would just be support :)
DeleteIt always really hurts me deep down when I listen/read people's stories about being harassed because of a disability :(
ReplyDeleteMy brother has a mental disability, although it doesn't really seem like it from afar until you start talking to him. I remember in the past that people would always harass him and not want to be his friend because of communication problems, actions, etc. He had at least one or two friends because they were open minded but... other than that not really.
Now that he's much older, he accept himself for who he is, and doesn't let it get in the way. He doesn't get harassed, and has more friends than before.
You're definitely right: just because you're different doesn't make you any different than anyone else. It's so sad to read that about your past, but at the very least, there was an epiphany: you're you, and that's all that matters in your life :D
I honestly took it deep down when I was harassed and taunted in middle school especially since I was barely starting middle school. It was scary. Little did I know what to do than to speak up for myself. I hated myself and my disability for making it so difficult for me to be the same.
DeleteWhen you mentioned how your brother's disability wasn't visable from afar, the same went for me. People notice I had a lisp. I was made fun of for it too, it wasn't easy being deaf and having a lisp, little did they know I had to get the bottom of my tongue clipped so I can have the opportunity to have better speech and hearing. It took a lot of practice but it was worth it.
To this day I am just so proud of myself for accepting who I am and to be able to understand that being a disable is unique. You're brother is unique in his own ways as well. I feel like having my disability really changed my ways into more positive outlooks in life :)