Emotionless Emotions

"What do you desire of want more in your life?"

"What do you desire or want more in your life?"

What was my answer? Happiness. Why happiness ? I don't know if it was because I was really in a bad mood that day due to the lack of sleep and endless amount of crying I had to deal with, or if all in all it was really what I wanted in this damn life of mine.

It was a really nice day, the sky was clear, the sun was out, it wasn't too hot or too cold but everything was just too much for me that day. I just had to text a friend telling them how much company I need due to my lack of emotions that day. I really didn't want to be anywhere but in my room crying all day long.

We attended a presentation that day with Diane Edwards, and it was so irrelevant when I saw the title of the presentation. "Harnessing the power of your Thoughts and Visualization." Like honestly, I really thought my mind was playing with me because of how I was feeling that day, unhappy and grumpy, and by looking at the presentation title I thought it was basically telling me alone

"Diane, get your god damn self together and focus" 

But no, it wasn't me, the presentation was actually about harnessing the power of our thoughts and visualization.

After Diane introduced herself and the topics we were about to discuss, the next slide came up and questioned "What do you desire or want more of in your life?" I didn't have to think about it, I just quickly put down what came up in my head, Happiness. I quickly wrote it without any hesitation and looked around to examine that everyone else was taking their time to think what they actually desire or want. I looked back with what I wrote and thought to myself, Happiness?

I began to question myself.

"Okay girl, Happiness? You're not happy enough?"
"Out of all the things why did you put happiness?"
"Y U NO HAPPY??"

I honestly really couldn't answer myself and think about why, out of all the things I urged in my life, it was happiness. And I honestly couldn't beat through the crowd of negative thoughts forming in my mind that day.

Diane continued on with the presentation and defined what she meant about thoughts being powerful. It all lead to this "thing" called cognitive model in which is the way we perceive situations influences how we feel emotionally and how we react. Cognition shape how we communicate to our self and others. It's used to enhance health such as positive thinking.

I didn't know what this cognitive model was or how it worked. I was honestly getting worked up when she was going over it because I didn't understand a thing about it. Until the next slide appeared like it was reading my mind, which started to creep me out a bit.

"What creates positive cognition and feelings for you?"

For me, I guess cognition meant what bring you up when you're down or what sets you in place when you're lost. So what creates positive cognition and feelings for me ? Music such a dancing, Touch such as hugs, and Environment such as friends and family. I don't know what it is , whether it was me getting back into my place again, or it was the lesson we are learning at the moment opening my mind a little bit more.

The next thing she moved on to was the body connection. Our body tends to respond to the way we feel, think and act. I paused myself there for a moment.That's weird and it does makes sense because I didn't feel like doing anything when my mind was playing over and over the negative thoughts I had going around all night long. I guess the way I feel about something whether its a good thing or a bad thing affect the way my body going to function too. Like when the guy I like talks to me, I tend to feel butterflies and get all giggly and such. She also pointed out how smiling can just be a simple way to recover.

"Everyone take a quick minute and just smile."

The least I expected for myself to do is smile, yet I smiled and followed up was all the giggles and laughter I got around me, I started to feel good, feeling a little bit more better than I had at the beginning of the day.

I learned a lot that day, yet I was still really shocked how relevant it was to how I was feeling that day and what the lesson we were being taught. By the end of the presentation, I left thanking Diane with a smile and I felt good about myself. I felt as if I really did needed that , a simple reality check that I don't need this to keep on blocking my mind to be happy and such. You got to be aware with the emotions playing around in your system in your mind, yet never forget to change everything around with the actions of Positive Affirmation.

"I am Strong"
"I can Succeed"
"I can Heal"

Stay positive, always. And smile, it fit you best!